Why now? Why South Africa? The Decision to Move

My niece Aly's geography project

I think people were surprised by the apparent swiftness with which Vince and I seemed to make the decision to completely uproot our life in NJ and make the move to the other side of the world. And in some ways it was very swift. Vince literally called me up on the telephone after he received the offer and said, “What would you think about moving, lock, stock and barrel, to South Africa?” I told him I would call him back and three minutes later, I did. I told him, “Let’s do it!”  

But the concept of an international move was not new to us. In many ways, we had been considering it during our entire marriage, for more than 32 years!

Vince trying on Dubai

My husband Vince always traveled extensively for work, much of it internationally. There were many opportunities in the past for our family to move, lock, stock and barrel, both in the US and internationally. It was just never the right time for one reason or another. Either my two sons were happy in a school they loved and we didn’t want to disrupt their education. Or my mother was ill and needed me nearby.  Or it was even that I was involved in a new job or a new endeavor of my own and did not want to give it up. But mostly I didn’t want to move. I loved my house. I loved my friends. I loved my life. 

So instead Vince took apartments by himself in Zurich, Oslo, Utrecht, Sydney and San Francisco over the years to minimize his international commutes to Europe, Australia and Asia and we kept our home in NJ. It seemed like a good compromise. We could get our toes wet, get a feel for what it would be like to live abroad before we actually relocated (PS I didn't consider studying in Paris during college as truly "living" abroad.) The boys and I could travel to some cool places and have an apartment where we could leave our stuff. Many of Vince’s colleagues had similar arrangements with their families so there was a support system for him. We had lots of friends and family nearby so there was a support system for us at home. We lived in an area and our sons went to a school where this kind of family arrangement was not so unusual. But it was not without a price. It is a helluva way to run a family and marriage and put an enormous amount of stress on both.  But we both wanted to make it work and so it did.

 in Rio with my mother for my 40th birthday

Our decision to move was much more a matter of exactly the right opportunity at exactly the right time.  We are still (relatively) young and in good health. Some of our external constraints had recently changed.  My two sons were out of college and had moved west.  My mother had passed away. But just as important, the move coincided with an internal desire for a lifestyle change. I know Vince was tired of the separation and so was I. I was beginning to become tired of the weight of our possessions and traditions. We both started to yearn for a simpler and lighter lifestyle together.  I was restless in a way I had never been before. I was ready for a change.  

And then in the midst of all this soul searching, we sold our family vacation beach house two summers ago. The house did not work for our family anymore, but I was worried about breaking with tradition, about changing our lifestyle. In the end, it was the best thing that could have happened. I was pleasantly surprised at how good it felt. Not only did I survive it, but I embraced it. I realized you do not have to give up cherished memories just because you give up a cherished possession. And it felt great to lessen the load, change things up, simplify. 
  

Nick's farewell sail on his laser in Barnegat Bay

I started to look at our family home differently too after that. The house had become way too big for just the two of us. The garden was becoming more of a chore than a joy for me to maintain by myself. We had accumulated an enormous amount of stuff that filled every nook and cranny and it was weighing us down. I began to feel weighted down by our traditions too. I noticed I was doing a lot of the things I was doing because that’s what I do - and not necessarily because that is what I wanted to do anymore. We were entrenched in a life and a lifestyle that just didn’t fit right anymore.

So when the opportunity came to move to South Africa, we were already primed for the decision. Our external and internal considerations had evolved. The time was right. South Africa is a country rich with geographic and cultural diversity and the unlimited promise of adventure. The decision may have seemed swift to some, but it was really 32 years in the making.